Aug. 29th, 2012 10:37 pm
charmwitch: (Default)
[personal profile] charmwitch

I had a draw meet a few weeks ago and it motivated me to get a sketchbook and start drawing on paper again. It's just so different, I don't even know why! I don't really have any drawing pencils, but just mechanical pencils. I don't know if it's worth an investment for me to get some but lately I've been feeling really anxious about my art and myself.

I don't know why these feelings come and go so much.
It's really frustrating but I just feel really tired and useless some days.
I think part of it has to do with the flow of my job and how there will be a few hours where I just won't have anything to do. I fear they'll send me home again - they've only done this once - but mostly I fear they'll find no use in me anymore so I try to keep myself occupied and working towards the game.

I'm still sad something I worked hard on was ultimately not used and that's okay it just kind of punches you in the gut a little bit

I guess I still feel melancholy
and just really terrified of myself

I'm sorry if none of this makes sense
I just want to draw and I feel I haven't been able to satisfy myself with drawing.

Was thinking of taking a half day at work but I don't want to really do that. Tomorrow's Thursday and then it'll be Friday.

Maybe I'll go out and draw on Saturday or something?
I don't know why I feel like this.
Just at the verge of tears for no reason.
No way.

Date: 2012-08-30 05:49 am (UTC)
ioudas: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ioudas
you're lovely and i love you

Date: 2012-08-30 06:14 am (UTC)
vioectrolysis: (Default)
From: [personal profile] vioectrolysis
angie you're a wonderful friend and artist and that will never change ok love u

(also draw w/ pens it is so good for you)

Date: 2012-08-30 06:15 am (UTC)
slowboat: (Default)
From: [personal profile] slowboat
Aw don't feel bad :( I think it's naturally to be anxious especially in art-related jobs? Most of the time at my job I feel pretty shitty useless like damn I'm probably 20000x more useless than you on even my best days lol ANYWAY SORRY FOR THIS DISJOINTED MAYBE-NOT MOTIVATING TALKING BUT PLEASE FEEL BETTER FIGHT THE ANXIETY DRAW DRAW DRAW kisses

Date: 2012-08-30 08:49 am (UTC)
proteidae: (doop)
From: [personal profile] proteidae
Aaaw, there there! It'll be okay Angie -- wiggly internet hugs for you!!! ~~;^;~~
Also, a corgi puppy stampede for good measure:

Date: 2012-08-30 08:01 pm (UTC)
proteidae: (coffee)
From: [personal profile] proteidae
AUGH, YES, I LOVE THESE DOGS SO MUCCCHHHH they never fail to brighten my day. HAVE ANOTHER ;u;~

There you go! Getting through bumpy places is a process. It certainly helps to make "solid progress" if you're feeling disappointed, but I think it's also about knowing yourself -- what makes you feel better//energetic//ready to create. [for me, it's playing video games and reading?? when I start feeling sad and slumpy 90% of the time it's because I haven't been recharging myself with fun things. Gyyrruugh I hate to admit that I can't work and be creative 100% of the time -- it feels like a defeat somehow ;^;]

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